Sunday, June 17, 2012

My Saturn has returned

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Saturn takes 29 years to make one orbit around the sun.  Oh dear old Saturn, about time you came. They say this is the moment for great changes and opportunities, and so this can also be a time for crises.  I was not prepared.  I wonder why we didn't have Saturn Return units in college, should have gave me an idea how to handle everything.  It was at this point when my life exploded.  In some good ways, and some really really really difficult ways.  Life threw me a curve ball and I was left picking up the pieces of my stupid idealistic life.  You'll never know what will show up, but I guess you have to stay open to what is required of you now.  Problem is, I don't know exactly how to do that.

People fuss over the big 30, when it's actually the big 29.  During our 20s we all did our little experiments, happily coasting and drifting our way through life.  Yes we had plans, but what really happened was that we just carelessly explored our options and gathered experiences.  Then in one fine day, BAM! freaking wake up call came around.  Major life altering metamorphosis threatened my so called quiet life. 

So what happened on the first half of this year?  I finally got a job that offers a promising career path, thank goodness.  My dad was diagnosed with a chronic kidney disease that left the entire family shaken.  Up to this day, we are still coping and adjusting to this unexpected turnover.  And me, I thought I had it all figured out.  I'm a control freak,  a stringent over-planner.  I often use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent.  I somehow managed to make a translucent outline of the things that should happen in the upcoming months and years.  The effort that I exerted to know which places I'll travel to, parties I've mentally drafted a program for and those simple little things that I thought of, knowing that all would lead to an outcome that I'm sure is best for everyone.  Then it slaps on you on the face.  YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR EVERYONE.

I thought of running, running to a place where somehow I can figure things out.  Retrace.  As my favorite Anberlin song goes, "Retrace the steps we took."  Guess that was the plan that time, be with people who unceasingly showered me with much love and importance to honestly tell me how I lived my crazy life for the past 29 years.

So I made my first unplanned trip.  I wanted to be with my family because my dad was hospitalized for a week due to some complications and I know they needed me.  My dad needs me.  Of course I am dying to see the most important person in my life, Kaya. I impulsively booked a flight, packed my things and left this place as fast as I could.  I surrendered, I didn't fight the change.  Probably the first time that I'm not in control of anything.  I promised myself that as soon as I set foot on promise land, I would let go.  I would open myself to all sorts of wonderful possibilities.  Ang dami kong nang sinabe, let me just share some photos of my soul vacation.  One hell of a journey, but it's one of my most treasured ones. 

I'm alive!
My first day I spent with the fam.  We just stayed at home, ate a lot and chatted nonstop.  I missed them so much.  It was really a relief to finally have them around.  That afternoon, my best friend in the whole wide world came over.  Bong spent time with Kaya and my dad.  Daddy was always at ease when he's around.  Strangely, he finds it easier to talk to him.
Bong and Kaya
Then it was time for our much needed talk.  We drove to Laguna para lang maka-alak, hahaha.  It was a highly emotional moment for us both.  We've been through a lot as best friends and I was just so happy that he was there when I needed him most.  After a lot of curses, tears and strong words, natawa na lang kami.  And that's what I require, a good laugh.
Thank you Jose Mari!
You're the best!
Pikit shot!
The next day we went to the mall, shop for Kaya's school needs, ate a hearty lunch at PF Chang's, got a haircut (which felt so liberating), and went straight to the hospital for daddy's treatment.
Kaya =)
With the fat kid outside. Haha!
Sabe ko school needs lang, talagang pinaglaban nyang bilhin ang jelly sandals na 'to.  At sinuot agad! =)
A good hair cut is not to be underestimated.
  Here's what 4 hours at the hospital did to us.
  Inantok na ang bata
  My LOVE!
Laging nakadikit sa akin
Kapag bored, mamashal sa labas!
  Magnum craze, I swear he'll kill me because I posted this.
Daddy's life saver. =)
It was finally play date.  We went to Active Fun at BGC and as predicted, she was super happy.
Active Fun
Popcorn and cotton candy treat
We met with my good friend Marie for dinner, who is the CEO of BGC (CHAROT!).  We had dinner at Chelsea, quite a fancy place pero nag-enjoy din naman kame.  Food was good but catching up with Marie was the highlight of that night.  
Marie and Mudra
Marie, Mudra and Fudra
Asim shot!
Us three
Kaya and ninang
Minulto ako ng Moet
Jose and Fatima
Feeling bagets
Time to go!  Thanks Marie for having dinner with us. Love kita, alam mo yan!
More of me and Kaya's bonding. Play date!
She won a chocolate!
  Food trip!
Na-miss ko 'to!
Met with JM for dinner
Back at the hospital
Daddy's smiling while watching TV.  PRECIOUS!
Smile na rin sila!
I wanted to see first hand how dad was doing at work, so we all went with him at his workplace. It was the first time I got to meet his colleagues.  With my new do, they all thought I was JM's younger sister. Hahaha!
Shakey's near dad's office
Thinking of a new haircut
Chicken and mojos
And I did it, second round of hair cut
  Daddy working
Busy din yung bata
Bwahahahaha! Working din! Bwahahahahaha!
Pangarap kong office, pwede magshades, shorts at umupo sa lamesa. ahahaha!
After a hard day's work, MOA naman!
Coffee BUN! YUM!
JM and I were suppose to go wakeboarding this day.  The weather was so unfriendly that my dad begged us not to push thru.  So we just had lunch at Pig Out in Nuvali.  Literal na nag-pigout talaga kame. 
Baked! I missed!
  Ate Sarah and mudaks
Chicharon rice, FTW!
Baboy pa
Crispy madness
Veggie tempura
Mother and Father
Me and Kaya 
Kaya and Ate
Habang namamalengke ang oldies, nagpapicture ang bagets
My good friend Oice visited me that night =)
Na-touch ako sa pagdayo mo sa bulubundukin naming bahay I swear shot. Hahaha!
  Inom pa? She slept over. Super happy!
Since nagsleep over siya, kasama siya sa chores the following day.  We went to Kaya's pediatrician for her her vaccine.  Had lunch at Pepper's Lunch after.  Thanks Oicey, alam mo na yun, di ko na kailangan isiwalat dito ang pagpapasalamat ko sa 'yo.
At the hospital
While waiting
  Naghahanap ng makakainan
Pepper Lunch
   Kaya and Oice
  Happy baby!
FKO and me
And yes, I went back to driving again.  Driving my dad and brother around.  Medyo nanibago sa sasakyang 20 times bigger than me, pero oks pa rin! =)
That night was animal night.  My college best friends came over.  Sad lang because some animals were missing.  Nevertheless, we were up until 4 am - nonstop eating, chatting, laughing, drinking and chanting (DEVIL! DEVIL! DEVIL!).  Thank you animals, you know how  much I love you all.  Hinde ko na kailangang paulit-ulitin.  'Di ko pa rin kayo patatahimikin sa Skype alam nyo yan hanggat di nyo pinapadeliver dito yung keychain ko. Tse!  
Shrimp ulit
Spag sauce yan, mukha lang dinuguan. ahahaha!
Babuy pa!
Kain na!
Ky and Kaya, the future animals!
Inarrange pa talaga ni King to, Kisses daw ang pulutan ng mayayaman. bwahahahaha!
Marie and Maan
Ruel and King
Nakakainis and mukha ni Ruel dito. ahahaha
Mouth watering
Swing put sisters ang peg!
Missing Cotia and Chico! =(
Bagsak si papa King!
Let the devil moves begin!
Kagulo na neto!
Pagsamantalahan habang tulog, so college! haha!
Najijirits kay Ferrer. Haha!
Can't live with them, can't live without them. I love you!
Ayun, vumeranda na. =)
Future animals. ahahaha!
Kahit hinde ako naniniwalang binile mo 'to, thanks sa Starbucks cake na dala mo Ruel, pasikat ke! TSE!
Puto from Bulacan, thanks Maan and King!
Mall day with Fatima and Kaya.
Engrossed sa Capoiera. I hope hinde maisip mag-enroll. =)
Dinuguan at puto
  Halo halo!
Grandma: Ubusin mo na yan'! =)
  Inuubos ko na po. =)
After a grueling morning at POEA.  I will not go into details, iinit lang ulo ko ulit.  I met with someone for lunch, tambay sa condo nya and we watched a movie after.  Medyo private na tao kaya huwag ko daw siyang papangalan.  Arte! Thank you for this day.  Thanks sa Chona's and thank you accommodating my crazy ways. =)
Walang humpay na tawa!
Sobrang sarap! Thank you! =)
With mudra. Balik hospital.  
  Late dinner at the Pancake House habang pinagaaralan ang mga resibo.
Walang Hanggan hanggang ospital!
Chores day!  Pa-service and at the same time I wanted to see what I have been planning for a long time.  Got the info I need and by the end this year, this is it na.  I can't wait! =)
Kumusta naman Derek? ahahaha
Boy stuff, can't relate
  Naglakad papuntang Jollibee!
Coffee Float, I miss you!
I remember mine
He loves you not!
I had lunch with JM and his girlfriend Jojie at Krazy Garlik.  Sobrang sarap.  You guys should try it.
Crispy madness
Go on!
Jojie and JM
Future sis in law. =)
Music has always been healing for me.  It became a part of my association with specific emotions.  So I wouldn't dare miss this chance to see one of my favorite bands play.  Oice, thank you for sacrificing sleep to accompany me that night.  To my good friend, Ocho Toleran of Franco, thanks for making this possible.  As I've said it was a weird but nonetheless super fun night! =)
Dinner with Oicey
Our pair rules!
Divine Lee hosting the event
Ocho and Oice
Thank you!
Kaya and I were at the mall this day.  I accidentally bumped into one of my best friends, Pring at a coffee shop.  Nawindang ang buong coffee shop sa pagsisigawan naming dalawa.  Our first short, yet meaningful conversation after 2 million years.  It was so refreshing.  Thanks Pring, ang dami kong natutunan.  Next time we see each other, tayo naman ang nasa ibabaw ng mundo. hahahaha. =) RULAS! I miss you, sayang walang chance na mag-meet pero in my heart, you girls will always remain. I love you all!
Frialyn Navoa! Sobrang mahal kita! =) Laban lang!
Kaya super kulet!
Kaya and Ate Sarah
Back at the hospital
Kabaliwan na naman
We remain strong.
Surprisingly, my good friend Iris gave birth to her second baby, Ziggy!  She was in the hospital so of course I came to visit her.  It was the first time I met her partner Gerard and I was just so happy to see them.  Chika chika about the whole giving birth experience.  Didn't get to see the baby though, but Gerard was so kind to show me the pictures, super cute!  Congratulations to the new addition to your family.  God bless you always.
Iris and me
Ya man!
  Welcome to this world Ziggy!
  Happy to see you guys!
Meanwhile at the hemodialysis area, si FKO nangungulit. Haha!
A rainy chores day.  I was out with my mom to settle some things at the bank.
  Food shopping muna
My beautiful mom.
Pengeng kape!
After all my chores it was time to meet with my first love, my high school friends!  Wapakels sa pagdayo sa Manila, I just need to meet this crazy bunch.  Mga ke, maraming salamat sa napakasayang lunch na 'to.  Busog na busog ako sa tawa at chika.  Napakadami nang nangyare sa mga buhay natin, but it's overwhelming to know that I have you guys to run to no matter how happy or shitty my life is.  I'm so lucky to have you mga 'ke.  Hinde ko makakalimutan na bumalik tayo sa pagkahigh school sa araw na to.  Sigawan sa resto, picture-an at harutan sa daan.  Tumanda lang tayo, pero hinde pa rin nagbago.  Missing some JAMPS, I'm still hoping one day makukumpleto din tayo. I love you all, thanks for everything! =)
Kathy and Jill
  Me and Em
Missing the other girls! =(
Hinde na namin alam kung kaninong camera titingin.
I love these girls!
Facial that night
My first time after high school. hahaha!
Driver duty ulit.
The day I left paradise.  I've nothing more to say (baka malungkot lang ako).  Basta the family ate a pangpiyestang lunch.  Nagusap-usap, more pep talk and I left.  
Crispy madness
Galit galit? hahaha!
I miss you darling!
Specially your bungi smile. =)
My strong family
I love you all!
First time sumama sa airport
I miss you FK!
Parang ang bait natin dito.
Eto devil na ulit. :p

In many ways the Saturn Return is like going to rehab - our addictions, comfort, and freedom are taken away and we are forced to push beyond our limits and confront our fears. What makes the Saturn Return important is that it is the first major life cycle. We cross over from youth into adulthood. No pressure. It doesn’t mean we have to have everything all figured out. When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micromanage the universeSurrender literally means to stop fighting. I stopped fighting with myself. I stopped fighting with the universe and the natural flow of things. That energy is magic. I’m still a work in progress but I know I'll get there.

"Saturn is orbiting nothing
He's off on its own,
He's breaking from home.
Harder to look yourself square in the eye
Easy to take off." - R.E.M (Saturn Return)


FOXy said...

super enjoyed the pics :)

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